Aching Moments
by JAMonMyToast
Summary: There are times when she misses him so much, she's afraid to open her eyes. One-shots about the aftermath of Jim's death. T in case. *Now Complete.
1. At the Funeral

**Okay, I wrote these because I thought that maybe I could try my hand at Jim...gulp....dying. I know, you hate the idea, but whatever. These one-shots take place after he dies, with moments when his memory is brought back to life. They are short, and connect to one-another. You will learn more about his death in future chapters. BTW, these are in Pam's point of view.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Office....**

The first time I realize that I miss him,  
so much that I just might explode,  
I'm at his funeral.

My sister picked out the black dress  
and shoes,  
and my mom did my hair.  
They talked in soft whispers all morning,  
like it it was too loud,  
I'd break.

Too bad they didn't realize  
that I was already broken.

Nobody really liked the idea  
of Dwight speaking at his funeral,  
or even _attending_ the funeral for that matter,  
but I insisted.

So when he stands up there,  
a few tears in his eyes,  
he spoke.  
Dwight said that Jim's memory  
would be kept alive  
and that he had no idea  
how much he was loved.  
(When he said that part, he looked straight at me.)

Everyone was really startled,  
because he was pounding his fists  
and yelling the whole time.

Some people were disgusted,  
like he wasn't doing Jim any honor,  
but only I knew  
that Dwight was using the speech tactics  
of none other  
than Benito Mussolini.

**Review make me happy...I have like three other written=]**


	2. In his Bedroom

**These are sad.... but fun to write. I like this one.**

**disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their rightful owners. Not me.**

The second time  
I miss him  
at an impossibly  
high  
level of desperation  
is when I'm in his bedroom.

Everyone said  
that I should look  
through his things  
first  
to see where they should go.

It's here that I find  
his iPod  
and sweater  
and yearbook  
and guitar  
and a picture  
of the two of us  
and that penguin  
that sat on his desk  
from Phyllis.

And then I can sense  
Mark watching me  
from the doorway.

"What  
do you think  
he's doing  
right now?"  
I ask.

"Probably  
pranking  
some loser  
in heaven,"  
says Mark.

Somewhere  
in the back of my head  
I can hear Jim laughing  
because Mark  
has him so well.

For the first time  
since it happened,  
I smile.

And behind me,  
Mark smiles too.

**Review=]**


	3. Icy Roads

**I'm tired. My eyes are burning. But, I was inspired.**

The third time  
I think about him  
and almost  
completely  
lose it  
is when I'm driving.

Whenever we were driving  
and had to slow down  
because there was an accident  
on the side of the road  
he would get all concerned.

He'd watch  
the people  
closely  
and wonder  
if they were alright,  
and would say that  
he felt really sorry for them.

He just seemed  
to care  
_so_ much  
that it would  
ruin an entire evening  
because he felt so bad.

I never noticed  
the irony  
of this situation  
(which ruined a lifetime)  
when we skidded off the road  
and other cars  
hit us.

He was already dead  
while I sat in the snow  
with a fire man  
trying to get me  
off the ground  
and out of shock.

The wind was so  
cold  
and the roads so  
icy.

But I didn't feel a thing.

The cars that drove by  
looked so sad  
and so concerned.

**Sadness. I've decided that I may have a thing for killing characters, should a write a longer fic where death happens? I have a few ideas...**


	4. Bears Beets Battlestar Galactica

**I'm actually kind of sick right now=P But whatever, hope you like this. **

It's been three weeks  
since the documentary aired.  
They decided to make more  
since there was so much footage  
they didn't want to let go.

I'm sitting in  
a tiny cafe  
in New York  
trying to drink my coffee  
and get in my car  
before a fan sees me.

Surprisingly,  
it was a hit.  
I never thought  
so many people  
would actually root  
for the totally  
epic  
'Jam Romance'.

Or laugh so hard  
at all his pranks  
or fall in love  
with Dwight  
or cheer  
when Phyllis got married  
or hold their breaths  
when I cancelled the wedding.

I get spotted every once in a while  
and only a few of these fans  
know he's dead.

I'm trying to leave quickly,  
but three girls spot me.  
They're actually wearing  
the 'Dunder-Mifflin Fun Run Race for the Cure'  
t-shirts  
Michael made.

"Ohmigod! Are you PAM?"  
one of them asks.  
I smile, a hollow smile, and nod.  
They seem so happy  
That me and Jim  
got together  
and they wish only the best for us.  
I actually smile wider  
and nod more.  
"Thank you!"  
I say.

When they turn to walk away,  
I can hear one of them say  
"Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galatica."

Soon  
I'm out of my chair  
bolting for the bathroom  
so I can cry  
until it hurts to breathe.

He was so funny  
and so kind  
and so adorable  
even teenage girls  
can quote his best lines.

I'd hate  
to break it  
to his fan clubs  
that he's gone.

**Dang. Let's hope nothing of the sort happens, okay? Now, review!**


	5. I love these

**Finally, time to update! Hope you like this one, it took awhile for me to find inspiration, but after I did I was on a roll.**

I'm standing in the bathroom  
a mascara brush  
positioned at the tips  
of my lashes  
looking at myself in the mirror.

I was chosen  
along with a few other  
lucky art sudents  
to go to Paris  
and I'm scared to death  
of first impressions.

_Why all the makeup, Beesly?_  
I can hear him saying in my head.  
_I'm nervous_  
I say back.

Later  
when I'm packing  
I open up a drawer  
in the bathroom  
and pull out a pencil cup.

Okay, now I hear him laughing.  
_Is that really  
what I think it is?_  
he asks.  
I smile at myself  
in the mirror.  
_Yeah_  
I whisper.

_Dang, Beesly.  
What was it  
like, three years ago  
when you bought it  
from the vending machine? _

I can't help myself.  
I giggle.

Then my mascara smears  
and a tear runs down my cheek  
because I remember  
Dwight telling me to hand  
his pencil cup over  
and I just smiled  
while Jim ate chips.  
Dwight was _so_ mad.

I miss things like that  
_so _much.

**Review!**


	6. One Year

It's the one-month anniversary.  
I call Mark  
and before I can even say anything  
he whispers  
"I know."

I grab the teapot  
and Jim photos  
and broken pencils  
and hot sauce packets  
and inside jokes  
and throw them into his brown messenger bag.

Mark smiles when he opens the door  
and I hand him the case  
of cheap beer.

We drink  
and remember,  
laughing at how he always  
always always knew what to say  
that was completely deadpan  
and hopelessly hilarious.

It doesn't take long  
for us to go to Youtube  
and search  
"Jim's pranks on Dwight".

Soon we are crying  
both of us  
holding each other  
and shaking  
because _God_  
he was amazing.

I stand up shakily  
and press 'play'  
on the CD player  
so we can listen  
to "The Hunted"  
for the tenth time.

* * *

**Complete soon. Even though I enjoyed this more than I expected to.**


	7. First Date

**Last chapter! It was fun, folks, but I just loved this last chapter so much that I couldn't help but lay it on you quicker than usual.**

I sit on my bed  
the piece of paper  
tightly held in my twisted fingers.

"He's really nice,"  
I mutter to myself.  
And then I almost  
feel guilty.

"I know,"  
I can barely hear Jim saying.  
Only I can't tell  
if he sounds sad  
or not.

I hold the paper  
in front of my face  
and read the number  
for the thousandth time.

"You would think he's  
really funny,"  
I say.

The silence in the room  
isn't nearly as horrible  
as the silence in my head.

Then  
when I just about give up  
Jim says,  
"Call him."

My cell phone is shaking  
and my breathing isn't normal  
but when Ben says  
_yes, I would love to go to dinner_  
I feel a happiness wash over me  
that I haven't really felt  
in a long time.

"I won't forget you,"  
is what my whisper says,  
while I run my finger  
over the diamond  
of the ring  
I still wear  
on a chain  
around my neck.

"I know.  
No go along, Beesly,  
and get ready.  
It's been two years  
since you went  
on a first date."

**You like it? Hated it? Tell me, people!**

_And thanks to all the people who reviewed.... bingbangboom714, BasementOfTheMansion, __gnbrules__, __MeddyGrey__, Mrs. Fitzgerald, Dee8907, __longtallsally__, __Animorphgirl__, __RubyTerrace__, Maggie, __enaena__, Chloe __Jaeger__, JinxCokeJam, someone, and __lanmwolf__. You guys are all amazing!_


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